Begin Again...Again. And let's begin on the subject of "Traditional Marriage"

Back in April of this year, I abandoned this blog to start another:  Jason, All Day Long  The reason for the new blog?  I wanted to be more open about my life.

Some friends expressed their disappointment in the new "vanilla-named" site.  They like the edginess of "The Queer Next Door."  After the switch to the new blog (quite oddly), I took a long hiatus from writing and posting.  I had been somewhat consistent on my "Queer" site.

Now, I could use any number of excuses for not posting on the "Jason" site:

• I've been super-busy with my day job
• I'm taking piano lessons and trying to practice at least an hour a day
• I'm brushing up on my Spanish (with the goal to be a middle school foreign language teacher one day)
• I'm playing a video game that can absorb every minute of my free time (if I'm not careful)

Now, these are all excuses.  And as my mom used to tell me, "That's a good excuse, if you're looking for one."  And I guess these are all nothing but excuses.

But maybe the root cause for my recent silence is that I didn't seem very excited to write as "Jason, All Day Long."  Maybe I wanted to remind people that there is a queer living next door. 

And I wouldn't think that this reminder is necessary (at least with the straight people that I encounter); most people that I know are perfectly all right with homosexuals.  But there is one man in our neighborhood who drives a station wagon with his "Marriage is between a Man and a Woman" bumper-sticker opinion flying free.  Myself, I have a Human Rights Campaign "Equal-Symbol" sticker on the back glass of my truck.  I've had a few straight people ask, "What does that mean?" I smile and explain.  For the people who aren't aware of HRC, the symbol of equality should work its way into their minds at least at a subconscious level, (I would hope).

Then you have those organizations, like the American Family Association whose primary mission appears to be decrying the "Homosexual Agenda" and working toward the assurance that the Defense of Marriage Act is upheld.  They push campaigns, such as the Chick-fil-a "Appreciation Day" to support the CEO's stance on tradition marriage. 

While "traditional marriages" end in divorce 50% percent of the time for first marriages, 67% for second marriages and 74% for third marriages (according to recent studies), I am left with the thought that not only is traditional marriage between a man and a woman, but the same can be said for traditional divorce.

Ken and I will be married for a year in September.  We have been together for six years, our best friends (a lesbian couple) have been together for 20 years, and my gay brother-in-law and his partner have been together for 20 years as well.  Maybe we homos are getting the game right.

I'm not much of an advocate of homosexual rights.  I just live my life, open and honest.  What leads me back to this site today?  I was preparing my lunch in the kitchen area of our work floor.  A person from another department that shares our floor walked up.  She commented on the small container that held my fresh green beans.  "That is so cute.  I couldn't get up early enough in the morning to prepare my lunch.  Does your wife do that for you?"

Without pausing, I said, "I don't have a wife, but my partner does this every morning for me.  He spoils me."

And the usually chatty woman was silenced, although she laughed nervously.

I have a picture of Ken displayed prominently at my desk.  It's the largest photo there (amongst the photos of my son, my sister, my best friend, and my nephews).  If someone comes into my cube for the first time and doesn't know me very well, they often ask, "Who's that?"

I always reply.  "That's my husband."  (and typically with an voiced exclamation point). 

That's what the State of New York says.  And I can say with assurance, we couldn't and wouldn't add to the growing divorce rates.

Squeezing the Tedium - Lemonheads-Style

Incredibly bored.  That’s how I woke this morning.  At five a.m. on a Sunday morning, insomnia jerking my chance to sleep-in from under my feet.  I played a computer game for a while; that didn’t relieve the monotony.  I thought about going to smoke a cigarette.  Problem.  I quit a couple of months back.  So I surfed the net awhile, came across an article by Jocelyn Anne on ProBlogger entitled “What to Do When You’re so Boring You’re Boring Yourself,” and laughed.  My mind jumped to Evan Dando.

Evan Dando, the leader of The Lemonheads, released a solo album back in 2003 called Baby I’m Bored.  I don’t own this … yet.  But I immediately wanted to listen to some Lemonheads.

I got turned on to the Lemonheads by a co-worker, when I worked at a record store back in my early 30s.  This co-worker was a long-haired intense rocker named Darren, who volunteered to make me a mix tape by a group that he thought I would like.  I cringed inwardly but said “Sure!” politely.  I imagined death metal with screaming satanic vocals and wailing guitars.  To squash my prejudice, Darren was incredibly insightful and sensitive.  The Lemonheads, with their mix of alternative rock and pop punk sounds turned out to be one of my favorite bands. 

The mix tape included the bouncy “Down about It,” the edgy “Alison’s Starting to Happen,” and a punky cover of Suzanne Vega’s “Luka.” Plus a totally different kind of song.  Although Evan Dando is straight, he wrote a song named “Big Gay Heart,” included on the CD Come on Feel the Lemonheads.  The song is a country-styled song, tenderly crooned from the point of view of a resigned gay guy directed at a hostile homophobe.

  

The steel guitar, weary singing and overly earnest lyrics make the song seem sincere to the point of being almost tongue in check, until the end of the first verse eases in and drops:

I don't need you to suck my (whoa!)
Or to help me feel good about myself

Well, all right…


"Big Gay Heart"  The Lemonheads



The bridge of the song goes like this:

Why can't you look after yourself
And not down on me

Just a few simple words, in the vein of "take care of your own business," that many can recognize.

I ended up listening to The Lemonheads for the remainder of the morning, enjoying the wry lyrics, the poppy rhythms and the odd surprises (what other group would cover “Frank Mills,” sung by the Chrissy character in the musical Hair?). I didn't need a cigarette, a game or the internet. The boredom had been squeezed out of me.

Failure to Understand

File this under:  “One of the Laziest Posts Ever Written” or “Inciting a Family Feud.”

This past Friday morning before the decision on the New York gay marriage issue, I posted on my regular “non-queer” Facebook page:  

Listening to George Michael on way to work for all my gay/lesbian brothers & sisters working for marriage equality in NY “Gotta have faith”

To that post, I received a few supporting comments from friends, far and near.  And then I got (I won’t correct his spelling, punctuation or grammar):

This is not natural and against the one and true God that we are made in His image and one day everyone will stand in front of Him and give account to a Holy God

This from a heterosexual cousin, who is now a preacher in a very rural part of northwest Louisiana.  He and I were quite close back when we were kids.  Even though he was about four years older than I, he used to let me hang out with him and would take me with him when he “cruised the Strip.”

I have not seen him in over ten years.

This post from him provoked many of my friends, and the three comments multiplied to 12. 

I removed him from my Facebook friends.

Then I sent him a message:

You and I have not spoken in years, so I do not understand why you posted on my wall with your opinion on gay marriage. My beliefs and yours are vastly different on this matter.I left the Baptist church long ago, because I was repeatedly told that I was going to Hell. However, I was also told by my immediate family that there was no way that I was going to Hell. I am not sure either way, nor is it important to me.You and I used to be close. I miss those days. But I have removed you from my friends list on Facebook. You and I are kin, but I believe that we are no longer friends.

He replied with:

I'm sorry that you feel that way but if i didnt love you i would kept silent and you chose not to keep me as a friend thats fine but do something read Romans 1 I just give the truth of Gods Holy word what you do with it is your choice.

I returned:

I've read Romans before. But find me anywhere in the Bible where Jesus talked about homosexuality. What you are quoting is the words of Paul, not Jesus. Jesus did not speak through Paul, as much as Paul wanted that. One of my favorite songs is "Fly from Heaven" by Toad the Wet Sprocket. The song wonderfully sums up Paul. (excuse me while I insert a video for you that I did not include for his viewing pleasure).

Regardless, as I said, I have left the church. I still believe in Jesus, but not the way that conservative Christians do. Using the word of God to judge others is not in the spirit of Christ.The only reason that I did not keep you as a friend on Facebook was that I did not appreciate your writing your beliefs on my wall, when they go completely against my own beliefs. I would never do the same thing to you. 

I may have said that I believe that we are no longer friends, but I will always remember you in a good light. When we were young, you were always kind to me. I really do appreciate that, [insert name here].

He came back with:

I have my dougts if you want except Pauls word as he was chose by God then you have turn your back on all because its all Inspired word of God we cant pick and choose what we want to and ingnore the rest. you know i can not stand by and see you split hell wide open and not say anything but you choose the path that your on and all i can do is Pray for your salvation And that The True Jesus will come back into your life and When Jesus talk about Marrage it was between a man and a woman because thats His standards not mine or even yours.

I summed up with:

ok [insert name here]... I don't tell you how to live.

You are not remotely interested in my happiness. So you can say that you "love" me, but I have my doubts about that.

I think we are through on this subject. We'll never agree.

My best to you in the future. Hopefully one day we can see one another and laugh about this whole exchange. Probably not, according to you I'm Hell-bound. I'll not see you at all.

Amazingly it ended there.  To be honest, it hurt.  I thought that I could make him understand.  Maybe were we face-to-face, I could have.  But to not fool myself, it would have been a lost cause.  (Besides, the Toad the Wet Sprocket was completely lost on him).  So he didn't understand me; I don't think that I did a good job of understanding him either.

After my final transmission, I expected him to get the last word.  I’ll keep you posted.

“The Prize Is Always Worth the Rocky Ride”

My muse punked out on me.  So, I decided to visit oneword.com to see if could get a bit of inspiration.  This site offers up a random word.  In theory, you are to write for 60 seconds about the word, and then submit it to the site where others can view your writing.  When grasping for straws, I’d rather post my work to a smaller audience:  my blog.

The word that appeared on the site tonight was “Acoustic.”   So off to my iTunes library I ran for additional motivation.  I found an acoustic rendering of “The Wood Song” by the Indigo Girls and set that bad boy on repeat.

I’d seen the Indigo Girls twice on the Swamp Ophelia tour:  in the Woodlands north of Houston and at Texas A&M.  I worked with four Indigo Girls fans at the time:  a straight couple and two lesbians.  We all caravanned (along with the girlfriend of one of the lesbians) to College Station for the A&M show.  It was a weird wonderful trip: 

§  We drank lots of Shiner beer and ate lots of Whataburger taquitos

§  We passed time before the concert at an apartment shared by four guy students:  the features of the residence included a drum kit, a mountain of empty toilet paper rolls in the bathroom and pin-ups of half-dressed skatepunk girls on the walls.

§  We played a lot of Frisbee

§  The single lesbian put the moves on the girlfriend of our co-worker and successfully stole her away, unbeknownst to us.  (You can imagine the drama that followed).

Back to the song.  “The Wood Song” is a civil rights tune.  You can use the theme of song for any cause you’d like.  Of course, since I am gay and since the Indigo Girls are lesbians, let’s just say that this one is for equal rights.  The lyrics do not come out and say that.  Nor do they need to.  Any good inspiring song should be universal.

“We'll make it fine if the weather holds

But if the weather holds

Then we'll have missed the point

That's where I need to go”

We’re not quite to the point, but we will make it eventually, through storms or shine … with bock beer and greasy fast food, with a snare and a high hat, with a stolen girlfriend … with or without my muse.

"The Wood Song"  Indigo Girls

"Let Us Strive to Find a Way to Make All Hatred Cease"

In the wake of the Kobe Bryant incident earlier this week where the basketball player yelled a gay slur at an NBA referee, I wrote a brief post here on the blog that said something along the lines of 

“Kobe, I’m not directing any of these comments toward you; I really wasn’t offended.  But this is how you could have done it.  In retrospect, I think you’ll agree that your insult was a bit weak.”

I then included a 10-minute clip from YouTube of a 100 Great Movie Insults (not one of these including any type of gay slur).  I put in a disclaimer above the video, because you can imagine that the language was a bit rough.

I published the post.

I tweeted the link to the post on Twitter as I always do.

Then I stopped…

I deleted the tweet.

I deleted the post.

The video that I had included in the post did not fit the style of my site.  I’m not a prude, but some of the language made even me cringe a bit.  But the real reason that I deleted the post was that I had lied:  I was offended by Kobe’s action.

In the heat of the moment, Kobe Bryant had used the worst word in his measure to sling at the ref.  This tells me a lot about Kobe and about society in general.  Not to whine or take a victim stance, but just when I think that we gays and lesbians are making strides in equality …

Kobe apologized for his words, albeit in an offhanded manner.  But this morning, I read a piece about how Kobe is appealing the fine that was imposed for the outburst.    

Which is it, Kobe?  “I’m sorry” or “It was no big deal”?

I know that I refer to myself as “The Queer” on this site.  After having that word thrown at me so much in my youth, I decided to grab it and make it mine.  I would guess that this self-reference can make some people uncomfortable.  I know that I intend no malice toward myself or any lesbian or gay man.  What's more, I would never call a straight friend “breeder,” refer to a child as a “rugrat” or ridicule a mom for driving a “sproggenwagon.”  At least not without love in my voice.

Nashville Probably Won't Be Happy...And I'm Not Exactly Jumping Up and Down

Big news? Well, not really…if you ask me...

Chely Wright is coming out of the closet. And while I applaud Ms. Wright for stepping out of the shadows, I will tell the gay press that this new story is probably not as huge as you would like for it to be. 

Ok, I get it. Chely Wright is a country music star. So the annoucement will be a bit more controversial, especially since she is not planning on changing her chosen genre of recording. But (absolutely no disrespect intended) … it’s not like Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift or even Kellie Pickler are identifying themselves as lesbian.  I've heard of her, but I would imagine that the general public would say "Chely Wright ...she sounds vaguely familiar..."

I genuinely do not mean to rain on Chely’s or the gay movement’s parade. Any public figure coming out helps the general cause (well … there are some people that I do wish weren’t gay…but I won’t be hateful and name names).

But let’s look at Chely’s success up to this point in time. I was raised in rural northwest Louisiana, so I followed country music a lot back in the day. And I still listen to a bit of the genre … I’ve got a mean crush on Trisha Yearwood. But, to be honest, I do not know Ms. Wright's work.

According to my research, she won the Academy of Country Music’s Best New Artist award back in 1994 (when her debut album was released). Let’s look at some other “Best New Artist” winners:

• 1999 – Academy of Country Music – Jessica Andrews (again, no disrespect intended, but…who?)
• 1996 – Country Music Association – Bryan White (I have no clue who this guy is...)
• 1990 – Grammy – Milli Vanilli (enough said…)

Apparently she scored a #1 hit or two and quite a few Top 10s. But after reviewing the titles, I do not believe I’ve heard a single one of the songs. In 2001, she was also selected as one of People magazine’s "50 Most Beautiful People," and she is undeniably beautiful. She just released an album produced by one of my country-music heroes, Rodney Crowell. And in my world, that gives her a big feather in her cap. I’ll probably even buy the album without hearing a note, just to support her. And I trust Mr. Crowell just that much…

So, again … I am not trying to pick apart this whole celebrity “coming-out.” All famous fags and dykes should show the world who they really are.  I could tell every one of you gays & lesbians that the people who really matter on this planet will never stop loving you, regardless of your sexual orientation.

I'm reminded of a certain male country music star, who back in the mid-90s was caught in a sex scandal.  He was riding the wave of a #1 hit from his debut album.  Then he solicited sex from an undercover police officer in a Fort Worth park.  In addition, he was charged with possession of crystal meth. Charges were eventually dropped.  He declared publically that he was not gay and that the drugs had merely made him act outside of his true character.  In the aftermath, he managed to have some additional success in the country music field. But eventually that tapered off.  I read that this year he will be releasing a contemporary Christian recording.  I also read that he had filed bankruptcy and was on his second divorce.  Wonder if it's the drugs again ... or maybe he's just having a difficult time fighting his basic nature.

And if my son reads this post, I have just two words for you, buddy ... Pooka Shell.

Narrow-Minded As They Want to Be

You see...I got this story filtered through the BBC and then through the Advocate, so the details may be a bit watered-down. A relationship counselor in Great Britain lost a court case against his former employer, who had fired the counselor for refusing to provide sex therapy to gay couples. The gentleman's stance was the agency that employed him had “refused to accommodate his Christian beliefs.” Well, the British High Court disagreed with the gent.

And my opinion on the case may perplex you. I think I'm siding with the Christian.

Now … I know that I am only getting a portion of the story. I’m just too lazy to investigate further. I hate the news. To me, most of what passes as “news-worthy” is just depressing. If I want to catch up on current events, I’ll listen to “Wait, Wait … Don’t Tell Me” on NPR or watch “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central. And I do none of this with any regularity.

Back to the story:  I suspect there were more issues than this refusal to provide service that led to the counselor's dismissal (I mean ... the man was expected to provide sex therapy to gay couples?! - I would imagine this assignment would confuse and/or disgust most any straight guy). But, whatever … I believe everyone involved missed the boat on this true issue. Let me lay the blame on the agency (I try not to point fingers, but sometimes it’s fun). Did the agency not have enough straight couples that the fella could counsel? I mean, I know straight couples, and they typically have way more issues than homo couples. Just sayin’. I always write that off to the fact that men and women sometimes have difficultly understanding (or caring) where the other is coming from. Gay couples have gender-uniformity on their sides. The agency must have had enough non-gay couples to keep this man busy; I'm guessing that heterosexuals provide the bulk of the client base.

Look, High Court … you didn’t change this man’s mind. Nor did you change the minds of any of the people who supported his stand. And while the grander scheme here is not about changing anyone’s mind, the decision probably just rooted him further into his narrow-minded reasoning.

So, everyone settle down. I’m all for gay rights. I am gay. But let’s allow people to be as dumb as they want to be. The smart people already see the truth. And both the smart people and the dumb people are producing a new generation who can think for themselves and see the truth, in spite of familial influence. The dumb people are a dying breed. Let them dinosaur themselves right off the planet…

I deal with people who support my rights and beliefs (and the majority of my straight friends do support me). I ignore the others. Like my mom always said, “If someone is pestering you, they are either envious of you or they have a crush on you.” 

Uhm...the thought of Fred Phelps and/or Shirley Phelps-Roper crushing on me just totally made me vomit in my own mouth … eww.

Together We're Invincible

Anthems. Great things, those. You can think of our National Anthem (a pretty angry song if you care to analyze it) or songs like "Song 2" by Blur (which has a completely nonsense lyric but a driving beat, power chords and a sing-along chorus) or "We Will Rock You" by Queen (where everyone, at least the coordinated ones, can do the stomp-stomp-clap action).
I recently discovered the British group, Muse. I believe that they are the new owners of the rock anthem mantle. When I am at the gym, you can bet that my iPod is set to them: good driving rockers, dramatic choruses, wailing guitars. Thursday while I was on the treadmill, "Invincible" from "Black Holes and Revelations" came on. I almost skipped it, because it is a mid-tempo song and I thought it might slow my workout pace. But I let it play.
Sometimes the most inconsequential actions in my life can make the biggest impact. I ended up putting the song on repeat and listening to it over and over. I don't mean to put too much of the song quote here, but it's an excellent lyric:

During the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please
Let's use this chance
To turn things around

My partner and I had already kinda adopted "Invincible" as "our" song, but listening to it while I was working out that evening my mind went elsewhere. I began to think of all my gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered brothers and sisters. Sometimes our strife with each other holds us down. The song says:

Do it on your own,
It makes no difference to me.

But, people ... we have to do it. Even something as simple as tax day approaching and realizing that my partner and I do not get the option of filing a joint tax return. Even realizing that unless we get our legal matters airtight, if something happens to either one of us ... either of our families could come in and divide the life we have together. Even knowing that we cannot get married here in Texas, where it would be easy for our friends and family to attend the ceremony. These things do slowly eat at my heart ... maybe in just small ways (because I certainly know the validity of our bond).

Change should come, hopefully sooner than later. I'd like to think that I'm a patient man, but I'm afraid that even I have a limit. Canada is looking good.
And I love Houston.

Leaving the gym, I had a small sense of satisfaction at working out at the local all-gay gym. Here, things could be a little racy, sordid and steamy. Where else can you watch "Absolutely Fabulous" and porn at the same time while pumping iron. I was at least supporting a gay business.

You should make a stand,
Stand up for what you believe
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible

And I truly appreciate all the straight people who have our back

"You're different" "I'm dumb" "I don't like you"

I'll have to admit that I'm piggy-backing off of the Bloggess, but imitation is (well you know what it is...)

Here's a typical story ... probably has happened before; probably will happen again.

Click here

So...the lesbian wanted to go to the prom with her female date and dress in a tuxedo. Now, that'll freak out the straights (but only the dumb ones)!




























And then when the students cannot have the prom without her due to a court order, they:
1. Cancel the prom
2. Schedule a new secret prom
3. Reschedule a new fake prom at a country club
4. Invite the lesbian to the fake prom
5. All attend the secret prom

The lesbian student's first warning should have been that the new prom for which she received the invitation was at a country club.

Aren't country clubs the quintessence of inclusion and diversity?