Saturday, October 1, 2011

Everything Changed


It hit me.  Right out of the blue.  The feeling.  The one after the ceremony, which lasted all of about 10 minutes (it actually seemed shorter). 

With our procured witness (one of a couple of Key West gents who were – after 41 years together – also in New York City to be married), we entered the chapel.  The justice started with a question: “Which one of you is Kenneth?”  And off we went.

“Do you take Jason…?  Breath.

“I will.”

“To be your lawfully wedded spouse, to…blah, blah, blah…”

I guess he was a bit excited.  After she was able to finish her question, he said “I do.”

I said my “I do” at the appropriate place.

“I now pronounce you…married.”  I had wondered how that would end.

And with those words, everything changed.

It was weird.  I hadn’t expected those feelings.

We walked out of the lower Manhattan courthouse.  He had a huge smile on his face.  I’m certain I did too.  We walked to the park across the street and sat on a bench in the shade.  I called my son, my sister, my dad and my best friend.  He called his dad and his brothers.

On the subway ride back to Brooklyn where we were staying, I looked at my new husband and examined my feelings.  And they were familiar. 

I had been married, long ago.  To my then-best friend.  And I had loved it.  I tell people all the time, “If I had been straight, she and I would still be married.”  I know it in my heart.  But…I’m not hetero. 

A wife didn’t fit me.  A husband does.  Regardless of what other people feel or believe. 

I love being married.  I love having a husband.

I’ll keep him.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Happily Ever After? Oh Yeah.


My favorite stories in my early childhood began with the words “Once upon a time…” and ended with “…and they lived happily ever after.”  Beautiful princesses, courageous boys, and kind granddaughters could be introduced in the beginning of a tale to be set upon by hardship and sorrow, or encounter hunger, trolls or daunting adventures, or face danger and death.  I read and re-read all of the fairy tales that I could get a hold of.  (Love for fairy tales; omen of things to come?  Probably…)

My favorite fairy tale goes something like this:

“Once upon a time in a small village, there lived an honorable but peculiar young man.  The youth was part of a large family (who loved him dearly), but he was like no other of his kin.  The young man possessed a magic window with a golden frame and a clear pane of glass.  The window showed him the wide world far from his home.  He longed to have adventures, to see that world, and mostly, to find a place where he knew that other people would welcome him and his odd manner.

One day he waved good-bye to his family and set off with his magic window across the forest to the great city. The city was full of people hurrying about, who did not make much notice of him.  He felt alone and wondered if he should return to his family.

However, he encountered beautiful queens, sparkling fairies, rough-and-tumble lumber-janes and friendly bears.  These kind beings made him welcomed in the city, and he grew to love the city and his new friends.  He also did meet vicious queens, tired fairies, grouchy lumber-janes and grumpy bears.  Mostly, his new friends were able to protect him from the unkind beings.  Until, one day the youth was confident in his new city to defend himself.

He met some nice princes and some not so nice princes, some fair, some foul, but none could capture his heart.  The young man began to feel as if he would spend the reminder of his years alone.
On a warm day in early summer, the honorable young man looked into his magic window.  He had grown tired of all of the princes who seemed to always dishearten him, the ones unable to slay dragons, and the unkind ones, and the untrustworthy ones.  However that one day when he looked into his magic window, he saw a tall, fair prince.  Under leather and denim armor, he appeared strong and brave.  He was standing in front of a steed with a radiant smile on his face.  The young man knew that he had to meet the handsome prince.
 So he did, and they lived happily ever after.”

Kinda anticlimactic?  Not at all.

Ok, so this story was not my favorite fairy tale from my childhood.  How many fairy tales would have a young man searching for a prince?  About… none.  This story is certainly a fairy tale, the fairy tale of my life.  Which isn’t anticlimactic in the least.  It’s kinda exciting. 

It’s almost unbelievable to me that I found this prince of mine.  And to have everything fall together so easily.  I’m getting married this upcoming Wednesday for the second time in my life, but the first time to man.  And the fact that it is legal for me to marry my perfect man is a fairy tale in itself.


 “…and they lived happily ever after” may sound like the end of the tale; I know it’s just a break in the story.  I’m looking forward to the next chapter.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Where the Hell Have I Been??


I've been off the radar these past few weeks.  Just been quiet.  At least here.
 
Anyone who knows me in the world outside of this site would say:  “Jason?”  “Quiet?”  And then laugh uncontrollably.  (I would laugh with them.  I realize what a goofy chatterbox I can be.)  Oh, I’ve been my usual outgoing self:  clowning around to break heavy atmosphere, initiating conversations from little of nothing, offering advice when asked, calming stress-out friends with examples from my own crazy life.

So in the recent absence of posts, I can only say that I’ve been busy.

But as my mom would have said, “Well…that’s a good-enough excuse, Jason.  If you’re looking for one.”

Part of writing this blog is a responsibility to readers, regardless of who decides to visit: the responsibility to be there, to be there often, and to be there dependably.  The way a friend should.
 
Reading other blogs, I can get insight to the authors’ minds and can find commonality with the readers who leave comments.  Browsing through the comments often gives me a feeling of community, even while I’m sitting at the computer with only the dogs lying on the floor beside my chair.
 
A few times, I have left comments on the blogs I read.  A couple of times, people have visited my blog from links from those comments and have shared their thoughts and feelings with me on what I've written.  Each time someone takes the time to write, I feel more connected to the community.  Sometimes friendships grow from the dialogue.
 
The relationships formed over the web can have the greatest impact on your life.  It’s true.  Good example from my own life?  I met The Man on-line, five years ago.

All of this being said, I will try to post more frequently:  no promises, no challenges to myself, no backing down.  I will also try to write more from the heart and less from the head.  God help us.  I’m not sure what will come out. Regardless, it'll be sincere.  Should you like to check in, look for posts each Sunday; that would be your best bet.
 
I know do have a tendency to ramble on.  Kinda rude, huh?  We’re all busy here.  I’ll try to keep it brief when I can.  I don’t want to chew your ear off.  I can beat a subject to death; The Man and The Awesome Son call me on that all the time.  Feel free to do the same.  My feelings rarely get hurt; I’m hard as nails most days.

I’m not sure who is reading my blog out there.  For those who are, Thanks!  For those who are just showing up, look around a bit:  sometimes I pull off a pretty o.k. post.
 
To all of you…I hope to become better friends in the future.

Take care,
Jason            

Monday, August 8, 2011

Hey...It's My Castle...

It’s bone dry in Houston with no end in sight.
 
I was outside watering our front yard oak this evening.  The Man and I had seen quite a few trees in our neighborhood dropping large limbs onto lawns, and worse, onto roofs.  I like our shady tree a lot and don’t want to see it turn on us out of neglect.

Seeing that outdoor maintenance and yard work is my responsibility (The Man does most all of the indoor work: cleaning, cooking, laundry), I am the one to face the brutal Texas heat.  This year I have been exceptionally lazy with it.  The lawn gets no moisture outside of the monthly shower; therefore, the grass is a lovely shade of taupe.  Our dogs have thoroughly trampled any semblance of greenery in the back yard.  It seems as if most of my neighbors are taking the same course, letting the weeds grow in hopes that those will at least protect the topsoil.  But fighting an uphill battle, the brown lawns and the casualties of the flower beds show that we’ve all given up the war on the drought.

A nice surprise that greeting me this evening?  The soil is separating from the foundation of our house, in some sections as much as three or four inches.  It’s like the ground is saying to the structure, “I'm outta here!”  Our house had started its own complaining; doors that suddenly refuse to shut, bathroom tiles that decide they want nothing to do with one another, new cracks in the drywall smiling malevolently down at us from the corners of rooms.

Our little cookie-cutter house in decidedly greener times

The whole situation just got me thinking.  If you let the foundation of your life drift: your beliefs, your friends, your family, your fun, your livelihood, you might get a rude shock.  Suddenly your home, your base, your world may completely come apart.

Life in south Texas has its challenges – drought, hurricanes, fire ants.  We don’t have the challenges of other locales – tornados, earthquakes, blizzards.  Everyone has their own environmental demon to face.  The Man and I will get some soaker hoses this coming weekend to help secure the clay-based terra to the base of our dwelling.   However humble, our house is our home.  We are a bit crazy in love with our little fortress. 


Sunday, July 31, 2011

Thank You, Puerto Rico

“My name is Alfred.”  Odd.  The Puerto Rican gentleman introducing himself at baggage claim as we wearily stumbled up to the carousel after the four-hour flight.  The driver.  I expected Alberto, Alejandro or Augustus.  I guess I was being a bigot.  Shame on me.  Waiting for our bags, The Redhead was clapping and whooping, happy to be free from the States for a while.  The rest of us (The Brunette, The Dude, The Man and me) were unexcitedly hovering to snag the luggage.  Locals ambled by, making eye contact and smiling.  Weird.  One lady cruised by carrying a lap-dog to the aww’s of The Redhead and The Brunette.  The woman made a beeline to my friends, allowing the two to pet the pup.  Downright strange.  Never in Houston.  I started loving Puerto Rico at that moment, even before I dived in.

Alfred led us to the van.  We five climbed in.  First stop, the local mainland-based grocery store to stock up on provisions.  Along the way, we passed one-story plain square dwellings with peeling paint and cracking stucco walls, saw roadside carts overflowing with fresh local fruit, and became incorporated into snakes of traffic that attempted to, but never quite, held to lanes.  At the shopping center, The Man, The Redhead, The Brunette, The Dude and I all filed into the store, to the apprehensive warning of The Dude.  “At this moment, this man has all our stuff!”

I laughed.  “C’mon, buddy.”  Although Alfred was a bit above it all, I thought him trustworthy.
 
We grabbed the staples:  cookies, cheese, chips, coffee, three bottles of wine, three bottles of rum.  We were good to go.

When we arrived at the condo building, we elevatored to the sixth floor.  Alfred saw us inside, was tipped and, faster than you could say “boo,” disappeared.  Ok…  We immediately made our way to the balcony.  Perfect.  Palms, pool, sand, beach, bay.  We waited there for a few minutes as a storm quickly moved across the aqua vastness, dumped rain (dissipating before running ashore) and produced a welcome in the form of a bright rainbow.  We dispersed to our respective rooms to unpack, change into swimwear and head for the beach.


The Redhead and the Man relaxed on lounges and read.  The Brunette, The Dude and I swam in the warm clear water.  All the while worked by the push and pull of the waves, the world back home kept a firm grip on me.  After a couple of hours of sun, we headed up to the suite to plan next steps over our principal drink for the trip:  piña coladas (That damn song from the 70s followed me the rest of the vacation).

We trekked over to the main building of the resort - a hotel - to grab a taxi, discarding Alfred in the hopes of hiring a more personable, less smug driver.  We did.  A handsome young native named José.

Demerit for José?  Dropping up at a marginal restaurant that he suggested.  We all laughed because Alfred had recommended the same restaurant.  Kickback?  Maybe.

Plusses for José?  He had spent time in the States for service in the armed forces, so he got most of our stupid pop references, and he also laughed with us at our skewed senses of humor, especially when The Dude overshared about an interest back home, a woman possessing some abnormal physical features.  In addition, José played salsa music for us on the stereo as we rode, painting pictures of weekend festivals in the small towns and people dancing in the streets.
   
Before saying good night, we asked José for advice on one thing to check out while we were on the island (two outings seemed an overwhelming proposition for the lazy lot of us).  His suggestion? Old San Juan.  The original historic district of the city.  We made plans for him to pick us up the following afternoon.

Riding through the emerald hills, then the flat stretches clogged with vehicles, and finally along the freeways slipping through the heartbreak of decaying housing projects and the skyscrapers of the tourist district (and still work and worries from Texas keeping me distracted), we arrived at the original sector of the island capital.  The quarter was unsurprisingly charming and loaded with tourists.  We arrived a bit late, around 5 PM, and almost all of the shops were closing.  We did a bit of souvenir shopping, then headed to another restaurant at José’s suggestion.  Racies (translated from Spanish – “Roots”).  Delicious.  Though I experienced a bit of discomfort, due to my overly PC nature, at the displays of the various races of the island and their contributions to its culture:  the Natives with arts and crafts; the Spaniards with religion and the Spanish language; and slightly prejudiced in my view, Africans with their spirit as “indefatigable workers,” At any rate, I ordered mofongo, a local dish served with a choice of various seafood or meat (beef, in my case, I am Texan) over a base of fried and mashed plantains.  My serving was mouth-watering and completely satisfying.


After the unimaginative fare of the grill the night before and the delicious food from the restaurant in Old San Juan, we did gather that cooking most of our meals in the condo would be most time-practical for the remainder of the stay.  On the way back to the resort, we asked José to stop by the grocery.  We shopped a bit more sensibly this time:  bacon, steaks, broccoli, potatoes, sweetrolls.
 
Arriving at the suite, The Brunette and I decided on an expedition up the coast.  We walked past the hotel grounds with the teeming vacationers, continued up the beach passing jetskis and motorboats, and happily happened along a beautiful lagoon with a cloud-topped mountain framing the background.  We crossed the chilly waist-deep water, coming upon a local woman out walking her dog.  We smiled greetings and attempted (unsuccessfully) to pet the skittish pup.  And without my noticing, my outside world fell away.


For the rest of our time there, I focused on Mad-Libs with my friends in the evening, pool and surf during the day, and waking in the morning to stunning views of the clouded peaks of the rainforest.

On our final day, The Man and I body-surfed together, alone.  I said to him the things that I say when we are by ourselves.  Those marshmallow words.

One of the best parts of the trip?  José became a real person while running us around.  He shared about his wife, his daughters, his family in Boston and New Jersey, his compromise to live near his wife’s family in a village near the resort instead of enjoying the more modern-day conveniences of San Juan, where he was raised.  He also shared with us his decision as a young man to stay on the island, giving up the opportunity to study in Tennessee on a baseball scholarship.  His sacrifice made for love.  Less than a year following his choice to stay, the relationship fell apart:  his sweetheart gone and the offer of a free education passed.  Poor guy was still kicking himself.

We had a bit of extra time the morning of the flight back to Houston.  José offered to take us along the coast, where the locals gather to enjoy the beach.  As we weaved through the lush foliage skirting the road, the beach would suddenly appear, revealing the brown islanders adorning the turquoise waters.  We went through small settlements dividing the way, where people gathered around food stands that radiated delectable aromas.  We passed a large civic park where throngs of children romped and ran around colorful structures.  José said that he would stop at any point where we would like to take pictures.  None of us asked.  Maybe we did not want to take this special part of the island away from the citizens.  The trip along the seaside was José’s gift to us.

As we approached the airport, the world back home started encroaching again.  But not in a bad way.  I was looking forward to seeing our pets and home.  I was ready to return to work with my batteries recharged.  I would face Houston with fresh eyes and appreciate my hometown a bit more (at least until she frustrated me again with some minor infraction).

Standing at the curb of the airport sidewalk, our Puerto Rican friend gave each of us a solid handshake and a warm look in the eye.  It had been a wonderful trip to an island where time attempts to stall, but the progress of the States speeds in.  The most important thing I learned?  The beauty of Puerto Rico is in its beaches, its rainforests, its architecture, and its music.  But essentially, the splendor is in its everyday beautiful people.


Sunday, July 24, 2011

RETREAT! Surrender. charge?

Rough weekend.  Crashed after an especially stressful work week.  

Saturday mid-morning, read up on tragedy in Norway.  Horrific news.  Soon after, take a nap (bad idea), just to have an exhausting daymare that The Man had to talk me out of.


 
Spent 14 hours in bed, Sunday night/morning/afternoon.  Finally dragged myself from the bedroom and into the house.  Flipped on some 70s tunes for background sounds while cleaning the kitchen.  “Dream Weaver” “Billy, Don’t Be a Hero” “Angel in Your Arms” “If You Leave Me Now.” Feeling stronger.

Headed to dinner with friends.  Listening to Elton John’s Tumbleweed Connection.  Ate Mexican food with the pals with whom I will share a Puerto Rico jaunt in a couple of days.  Feeling even stronger.

Home.  Ironed shirt for work.  More 70s music.
 
Typing this.  New Order “Leave Me Alone”  Ready for tomorrow?  Ok. 

Goodnight.

"Leave Me Alone"  New Order


Sunday, July 17, 2011

"Go to the Mausoleum Door and Act Like You're Knocking..."

That's what I told him, to raised eyebrows and a shrug.


Sunday, July 17, 2011.  Glenwood Cemetery. Houston, Texas.

In the middle of the city, the memorial park was lush and quiet.  The mid-morning weather was warm and muggy as we wandered around the park, taking pictures of each other in goofy settings and gorgeous spots.  After thirty minutes or so, we’d had enough of the rising heat and the morbid ridiculousness, so we headed out to shop for produce. 

Browsing over broccoli, nectarines and almonds, I mentioned to The Man that I planned to post the pictures that we had taken that morning on Facebook.  Then I immediately talked myself out of it, citing the potential displeasure of my conservative friends and family at the possible perception of my being sacrilegious or disrespectful.  The Man gave no input either way (he’s good at listening).

When we got home, I still wanted to post the pictures to the internet.  But I pushed the want aside.  Until…

I usually catch up on reading my favorite blogs on Sundays.  I always go to The Bloggess first.  And what should I find today?  A video post of a speech that she made at a blogging convention.  The topic?  “The Art of Being Furiously Happy.”  The gist of the speech was about not sitting in the shadows, but stepping out and doing what is fun and important.

I stopped the video in mid-transmission and immediately loaded the graveyard photos on Facebook.  (I realized when resuming the video that I had subconsciously ripped off Jenny Lawson – she’d taken photos in Glenwood Cemetery herself months before).

Still feeling a bit of apprehension at posting the pictures, I called and warned my sister before I hit the “Publish” button on Facebook.  All she did was laugh.  I released the photos.



The Bloggess helped me to remember to be both silly and proud of it.  Thanks Jenny!



So we’re back to…

“Go to the mausoleum door and act like you’re knocking.”

“Ok.”

He did.  Wow, not every man would take that direction.  But mine did.

"Deathwish"  The Police